Yet again, I've let this journal slip away from me.

I've been so tired and depressed for the past year, it's been hard for me to keep up with much of anything. I didn't graduate like I was supposed to, yet again. I swear, he is the professor from hell. I thought maybe I'd give it one more shot, but I didn't have the money to take the class again. That was fine, I thought I could just work and save up. Wrong again. It's absolutely horrible trying to find a job here. It's really wearing on me. I haven't paid my bills in two months. Mike is having to pay all of the rent and utilities. And he just got cut to 30 hours a week. I have no idea how we are going to be able to come up with the money to pay this months rent. The stress is more than I can handle right now. There has to be a way out. There has to be something better than this. *sigh*

Enough dwelling on the negative. I do it so rarely, I forget how easy it is. I never thought having a positive attitude could be so hard...and then I became broke and unemployed.

So, as far as positives...I got engaged on new years. We've set a date already...June 19, 2010. Woohoo.

My dog is doing much better. She adjusted to us fairly quickly. She's so energetic and playful. Having her has helped me through most days. Even if I'm here by myself, I have her to play with during the day and that helps more than she could ever know. She loves all things stuffed. For Mike's birthday, I got him a stuffed football, and guess who ended up with it. I seriously love that dog so much. I don't think I could live without her.

I've started writing news articles again, but that isn't really helping much. At this point, I'd be happy with any extra money I can manage to pull in.

Anyway, I'm exhausted. I think it's time for me and my dog to head to bed.

I am changing work to school, considering that I don't have a job and all. I don't normally eat lunch, but when I do, I get a chicken sandwich from our student center. That costs about three bucks. This is very rare though. Most of the time, I'll just get a water from a vending machine, and that's only if I didn't bring a water from home. It's too expensive to eat on a college campus, and I don't really have enough time in my schedule to do so anyway!

Virtual human development game



www.human-age.com

I am worried about my dog. She has been dry heaving for almost a week now. I might have to take her to the vet today. I hope she gets better soon!

I got a puppy this week! She's a 10 month old chihuahua dachshund mix named Jasmine. She's the sweetest, most adorable puppy I have ever seen! She makes me so happy.



Seriously. Look at that face.



I don't think I've ever been as happy as I was when I got this dog. She's not completely housebroken, but she does use potty pads, so it's not that big of a deal. She's a really calm dog and loves to give kisses. Just this morning, I had a bath from her! She's adorable though. We were worried that she would not adjust well and that she and the cat wouldn't get along. She seems to be adjusting very well. This is her home and she knows it. As far as the cat is concerned, they haven't really gone near each other all that much. Barney is a little bit jealous though. I am trying to make sure he knows we still love him and that nothing is going to happen to him, but he doesn't really seem to buy into it. I know he just needs a little time to adjust.

in other baby news...my sister had her baby on Tuesday. He was 6 lbs and 20 inches long. Not bad for a baby born a month early. He is absolutely adorable as well. I wish I could make a trip to Florida so that I could see him. He is still in the hospital though. Windy got discharged yesterday, but Caleb had to stay because he has Jaundice and is not eating as much as he should be. His weight dropped a few ounces since he was born. I am sure he will be okay though. God will make sure of that.



Caleb Frances. I don't know his last name :-\

Virtual human development game



www.human-age.com

I am suffering from extreme writer’s block right now. I wish there were someway I could just get motivated to write these articles. I’ve tried about everything I could think of to get my creative juices flowing…and I get nothing. Oh well. I will get it figured out eventually…I hope.

Hopefully, this lack of inspiration will go away before school starts back, or there will be a huge problem.

 

With that being said, I will respond to the writer's block question. My username is a nickname my best friend gave me. For some reason though, it wouldn't let me use just cawwie. So, I added my birthday to it.

In other news, Michael Phelps received gold in all 8 of his races :)

Mike is really starting to annoy me. I am getting so angry towards him all of the time, and I don't like it. I think we just need a little time apart. That's hard to do when we live together. Oh well. I hope every thing works out between us.

School starts back in a little over a week. How stupid is it that I'm excited. I'm going to do it this time...you know....Graduate. I'm way too determined for failure. And Mike is going to have to let me concentrate. I don't think I will be finding a job, so I'll have more time to study, Well, that's not exactly true. I'm thinking about going back to work as a DA. If I do that, I'll have a little extra money, and I'll be able to study while I do it. No matter what, Reagan is not going to get to me this time. I will prevail!

So, I am getting a Blackjack II. I'm a little excited, but I know I can't take advantage of all of it's features until I am able to get my own contract. At that point, I will have moved on to another phone. We'll see if it's any different. I wonder how much an unlimited data plan costs. I could just have my mom add it to the phone bill and I pay her every month. Hmmm.... I dunno. I think I'm gonna go check that out right now.

Wow. I haven't been on here in forever. I forgot I even had a lj! I'm not even sure where to begin catching up on here. So, I don't think I will. I'll be making posts still though. Maybe sometime soon. We'll see.

I absolutely love my roommate :). We knew each other last year(as I may have pointed out already. I'm drinking again tonight and not completely sober atm.) Seriously, my roommate last year just wasn't someone I could mesh with. Talia's so much like me. We like the same music, the same movies...it's great. Like, right now, we're listening to music and drinking, and I'm having fun. I couldn't have done this with Valerie.

So, I have a new guy in my life. Well, he isn't really new, but my interest in him is. He's so much better than the last guy and I'm seriously beginning to care a lot for him. I mean, I do care for him already, just not a loving type of care. I don't really know what'll happen, but I know I want *something* to happen.

Speaking of guys in my life....why is it that some guys try so hard to hang on after a girl has moved on when they were the ones who wanted out anyway? I mean, I just talked to Travis and he was a jerk. Why? Because I was having fun and drinking with my roommate. Since when does he have the right to make me feel bad because I'm having fun? Oh well. I'm better than that.

Anyway, I've got more Mike's Hard Lemonade to drink, so I'm signing out. XOXO

Ha... I'm a little drunk right now. Move in days are great. I'm so happy that I got to see my Tali again. God, this year is going to be so great. I'm actually very excited that this is my senior year! I feel like I'm going to ramble if I don't stop at this. So, goodnight!

I think I'm going to whine a little bit. I am feeling so many different things right now. Most of them have to do with school, to be honest. I'm really worried about my organic chemistry class now. As it turns out, I no longer have the professor I thought I would have. Instead, I'm stuck with the one professor I was told to avoid. I really wish I knew of a way to get out of it. I'm going to hope that someone drops one of the classes with a different professor before school starts back. If not, I guess I'll just have to bust my ass so that I can make a decent grade. Oh well. This has the potential to be the semester from hell.

I'm a little scared about this year. I mean, it's my senior year and I'm excited for that, but what happens if I completely fuck up. I'll have to stay longer than I want. What if I'm not good enough. I'm always afraid that I'm not quite good enough for anything. I mean, it always seems like I'm someone who's good, but never good enough to get what I want. And that's part of the problem too. What do I want? To be honest, I have absolutely no idea. I mean, I think I have an idea, but since when does that matter.

On a better note, at least I get to spend the year living with Talia. I'm pretty sure we'll find all sorts of ways to have fun.

Anyway, I think I'm going to get ready for bed. I have two more days of work left and tomorrow's one of them!

I work way too much. I feel like I should just put a cot in the back of Waffle House and sleep there. That way, whenever they need me, I will already be there. We had someone quit earlier this week, so I got her hours. I'm not going to complain, because I've made some good money, but I feel so drained right about now. Oh well.

Sammy came into town and I got to see her. That was exciting. It's funny to think about how people change after they move. She just seemed so much more rude and obnoxious than she used to be. I dunno. Maybe it was just me. I was happy to see her nonetheless. We went to eat Chinese and then to see the Simpsons movie. That was about it though.

I turn 21 tomorrow! Yay! Not that I'm doing anything exciting because I have to work. Wooo. Oh well, money is good. And I'm so going to try to use it to my advantage...muahahaha!

I went to the career center this morning to find a job. I had a couple of jobs I thought about doing, but only one of them (Serving at Waffle House) actually worked out. It wasn't the best of the three jobs, but it was a job none-the-less. So, I headed over to Waffle House and met with the district manager. There really wasn't room for me at the one here in Gallatin, but he made a call to the one in Hendersonville and the manager said she could fit me in there. So, I now work at Waffle House. I start training in the morning and will hopefully start working on Sunday. Hopefully, this will work out!

Audie and I have decided we're going to backpack Europe next summer.

I'm excited!

So, I'm currently jobless. It sucks, since I'm broke. I've been looking for jobs around here though. I've put in a few applications around town. I also found that there are tutoring companies that tutor online, so I applied for a couple of those jobs. I'm not really sure if I'll get any jobs because everyone's out of school right now. I'm definitely on a wait list for one of the companies, so I'm hopeful about that. If I could find someone around here to tutor a couple of days a week I'd totally do it. I also called my boss Denny and told him I was available for work. Since it's just a temp job, I'm not guaranteed to get to work, but at least he knows I'm here and would like to work for him.

Anyway, I get to see Audie today. Yay! I haven't seen her for a couple of weeks, so I'm having withdrawals...haha. I don't know what we'll do, but we always manage to think of something, even if it's go to the park. Yay...swings :).

Not really much else that requires an update. *sigh* I really need a life. HA.

I don't really have much of an update, but oh well. Last weekend I saw Hinder and Papa Roach with my Auders :). I had so much fun. Audie took pictures, but she has to find her camera dock to upload them. My camera got fucked while we were there thanks to a torrential downpour/flood. My phone didn't work for about a day after that either. I was sad. It made me realize, I can barely live without my phone. This depresses me.

Oh well. I'm working for my aunt again this summer. I'm beginning to feel overworked and underpaid, but I know it's better than looking for a job around here. People don't seem to want to hire me because I'm only home for the summer. I might need to call my old boss. He'd let me work if he could. I've almost quit working for my aunt twice, both times occurring last week. I don't think I should have to listen to my uncle scream at me because I don't know something. I mean, I could understand if he had shown me before, but most of the time, he's expecting me to think ahead of him. He's a cripple, so all of the physical work is done by me. What, does he expect me to take care of the mental work too? It's a bit too much for me. And I really don't appreciate him calling me a stupid bitch either. I don't know why exactly he thinks that would make me want to keep working. I'm the type of person who's ready to walk when I'm insulted. And I've told my aunt I don't appreciate it, but she seems to defend him. She says it's all because of his military training. I say he's just a cruel bastard who doesn't know what he's talking about most of the time, so he has to make everyone else feel like shit. I'm going to start telling him to shut the fuck up.

I can't believe this is my last summer of my undergrad college career. I feel like I am not ready for my senior year. To be honest, I know I'm not. I'm trying to catch up this summer. I've already started looking into grad schools. Right now, there are about 18 that could possibly have my interest. I have to cut that to about 6. I know Indiana University is going to be in the 6 somewhere. My ecology professor made it sound super amazing. And, he's an alum there, so he could probably help me out a lot. I'm hoping I can get into researching under him, which would provide me with a killer letter of recommendation from him. Mizzou is also on my list right now. I would love to go back to Columbia. I really miss it there. It's sad though, because if I were to go there, everyone that I knew would be gone. Oh well. I still have time to think.

My junior year is over. I have absolutely idea what I'm going to do during the three months that I'll be home for the summer. Maybe there will be some random road trip with Audie :). *hint hint*. Anyway. It's hard to think that I only have one more year left. I'm not really sure how to deal with this. There's so much left for me to do. I'm still not even sure exactly what I want to do with my life. I know as time goes on, things will become more clear. Perhaps I will talk to Dr. Howard in the fall and seek some guidance. I think all of the things he's done to piss me off have just been to push me harder. It's funny. I walked into his office before the semester was over and told him I was concerned about my grade. He looks at me and tells me that he knows I'm more intelligent than my grade reflects and he knows that I work hard. It's funny to think that the professor of a class that I was failing would say that to me. But, he was right. I did work hard for his class. In the end, it paid off. I passed with a C. To some people, that wouldn't really mean anything. To me, it means a lot. He challenged me, not because he was the dick I made him out to be, but because someone had to challenge me. Someone had to push me. Someone had to take a risk and say that I was worth something, and then have me back up their claim. I actually am very thankful for every moment I spent trying to pass his class when I could have been with my friends. I love my friends, don't get me wrong. But to be able to say, he took a chance on me and I showed him I could do it means a lot to me.

I'm still waiting on one more grade. So far, I've got two Bs, an A, and a C. I wish Dr. Zijlstra would post the Diff. Eq. grades soon! He also told me I worked hard. I don't really know where it came from, but oh well. Haha...I missed his class at least once a week. Hopefully, attendance didn't matter.

I think it's about time for an update, not that there's much to update. It's the same ol' stuff. School sucks. Actually, school doesn't suck. Ecology sucks. If it weren't for that class, I would be extremely happy with this semester. I guess there always has to be one class to ruin it. I learned that I won't have to retake microbiology. That made me so happy. I guess it's good that I couldn't register (again!). You know, this school really should develop a better system for transfers. I hate feeling like I'm being punished. I picked up an application for Tri-Beta while I was trying to sort this out though. So I guess something good came from it. Well, other than me being registered for classes now. I'm only taking 14 hours. It's going to be so weird. As it stands, these are my classes: Entomology (yay! bugs...), vertebrate zoology, organic chemistry, and history and philosophy of mathematics. Don't those just sound so exciting? Ha. Oh well, I need to take them. I mean, I do have better choices, but these worked out the best for my schedule. And, I will still get to graduate in May of next year! I was afraid I wouldn't because I am pretty sure I'm going to fail ecology. Dr. Howard is a dick. I'm seriously thinking about going to him and begging him for a C. I'll buy him a keg or something. I swear, he only talks about beer. That's probably why I'm failing his class! Enough of my commentary on asshole professors. I need to get to work. Woo hoo.

I don't want to start classes again tomorrow. I'm still very tired from Spring Break. And the time change didn't really help with that. Oh well. I'll get over it. So, I thought there would be more to spring break than there was, but we were so tired by Thursday that we came back home.

Anyway. I went to see 300 last night with my cousin, the guy she's kinda dating, and his roommate. The roommate was kinda cute. Very skinny, but cute. And Korean. I kinda feel bad about thinking that since I have a boyfriend and all, but I was only looking. Anyway. The movie was okay. I actually kind of liked it, but it would have probably been better had I seen it in IMAX. It was very obvious that it was intended for that.

Other than that, not much else going on. I'm still working on getting pictures uploaded and whatnot. It would help if I could find the cord to my camera. Haha.

I'm am writing this from a parking lot at Oklahoma State University. Haha. I love wireless internet. I am really surprised that I like Oklahoma this much. It's definitely a place I could see myself living. Everything is so small town...and that's totally me. Who knows, maybe next year, I'll be making this trip for myself.

The week has kind of gone by so quickly. We spent all day Saturday driving into Oklahoma. Sunday, we went down to Witchita Falls, Texas, but didn't really do anything major. The roads there are crazy. I'm kinda glad I wasn't the one driving :-). Monday, we went to the Witchita Mountain Wildlife Refuge and to this place called Meers (I'll talk about Meers in a moment). After that, we headed up to Norman to stay with Travis's cousin. I kinda liked Norman. We left there yesterday morning and drove to Stillwater to learn our way around a little bit. And that leads me to right now, where I am sitting in Travis's car.

So, it may seem as though none of that is really exciting, but that's because I didn't talk about the food!!! Oh how amazing it is. Most of the places we've visited are chains, but they are local chains that don't exist at home. There's Braums, which has the best ice cream ever (yes, I broke my diet. I figure, there's no way I can gain back all 20 pounds that I've lost in one week). Last night, I had a cappuccino caramel fudge sundae. Oh god it was wonderful. There's also Whataburger, which happens to have the best fast food hamburgers I've ever had. Seriously, the first time I ever had one, I never wanted a hamburger from anywhere else again. In Meers, there's, well, Meers. It's pretty good. I had this burger called the Prospector...16 oz of Texas Longhorn. While it was good, I wish that I hadn't eaten all of it. I didn't want to eat again for the rest of the day. Yesterday, we went to Eskimo Joe's. It's really popular around here apparently. It wasn't the best food I've had while here, but it wasn't that bad. I got a cup out of it :). I also happened to get one of their menus :).

Anyway, that has been the trip thus far.


To be continued...........

ps. When I get back home, I'll upload pics onto my photobucket account and put the link in here so you can view them if you'd like.

I don't know why that's the subject, but I was looking down at my sleeve while getting ready to type and noticed it. Anyway. I've decided to dedicate this semester as the semester from hell. My roommate's even more of a bitch than last semester. My schedule has me running around campus all day. There's no me time. I want me time!!! Speaking of the bitch...these words just came out of her mouth, "Are you serious? Write a paper for lab?" WTF?!?!?! I hope she never takes any real science classes. She wouldn't know what to do. Anyway, back to what I was saying. At least I still have my weekends...kind of. At least one of the days is spent with Travis. I enjoy spending time with him and it's a nice break to the monotony. The other day is spent in the library. Woo hoo. I'm determined to make it through the semester though. I know I can, I'm just not sure how badly my grades will suffer. I think I'll be fine though.

My roommate's still bitching about writing a paper for lab. Haha...I wish I felt bad for her. Oh wait, no I don't.

Anyway, not much else is new in my world. If it's not school related, I don't really have time for it. I'm not even getting to celebrate Valentine's day this year. I don't know why that really bothers me, but it does. I hate Valentine's day. But, I'm like, I have someone to spend it with, but no time to do so. I'm in class until 7:30 and he doesn't get out until 9. I'm sad. Maybe he'll be awake enough and we can go watch Borat that night. I just want to spend some time with him on that day. Oh well. School is more important anyway. And deep down, I still hate having one day a year dedicated to lovers.

Speaking of the 14th, I was talking with Rey today, and he looks at me and says, "All of the women are getting weird right about now." I found that amusing. I guess I've never been the type to come off as being desperate. Seriously girls, it's not cool to throw yourselves at the guys. Let them come to you.

Anyway, I have a meeting at 3:40, so I need to stop typing. My roommate's stupidity isn't really putting points in the "stay here" column either. Physical science is not biology people. As a biology major, I get offended if I hear that. Just so you know...

Okay, no more random rants. I'm off to make math my minor, officially that is :).



One more thing: I promise I'll be reading and commenting journals sometime in the near future. I just need to find the time!

It's so cold outside. And stupid me decided I should leave my coat at home. Ha, I wish I hadn't. I really didn't expect for it to be 10 degrees either, though. Anyway. I've pretty much decided this semester is going to be hell. I've spent almost all of every weekend so far in the library. What fun! Last night, I was in the 24 hour computer lab until midnight. Blech. But I finished with all of my work, including my first speech. Yay for speeches. *sigh* I hate public speaking. I do like my first speech though. It's supposed to be on a word that describes me. I chose Lorax, like from the Dr. Seuss book. I never thought I'd relate so much to a character in my life!!! If you haven't read the story, you should. It almost made me cry. Anyway. I'm supposed to be getting ready for class. I feel icky though, and don't really want to go. Oh well, I'll take some motrin and hope it works!